you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When are your genitals available?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
