Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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