Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
