I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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