i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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