Swine flu. Run for my life!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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