I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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