I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
