Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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