when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize