Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
