please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
