drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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