found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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