how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
