He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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