It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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