So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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