why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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