toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
