How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
