it wasn't lemon gatorade
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
