Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
