I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize