I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's blow job season.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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