you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
