Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize