He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
