im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
