Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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