How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
