Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
