i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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