I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
