Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
