She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
