Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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