so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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