Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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