The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
They took my balls.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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