Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
