I will die if light touches me.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
