Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
