I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
