If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
