How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
