why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
