The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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