WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
