Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
