Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
