Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
