did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
