I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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