omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
