So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize