I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize