She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
