Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize