this beer tastes like vomit already
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
