thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
