hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
