you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
