The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
