She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
