Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
