She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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