saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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