Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
