He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
