Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
