I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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