yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
