Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
