i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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