I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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