I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
