ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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