i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize