it hurts more in the daytime
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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