speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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