Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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