I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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