Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
