apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
