TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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