I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
