the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
