WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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