In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
