I wish they made helmets for livers.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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