your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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