For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
