You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize