I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
