i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
