Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
