I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
