If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
