I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
