You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
