Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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