it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
