im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Randomize
