You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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