I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
