she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
