ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
