My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
