I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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